textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
