I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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