Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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