Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
