She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
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