nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize