I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
