I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
