mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
