No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
