I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
