Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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