there's paper in my vomit.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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