Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
