Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
