I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
