just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
