This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
