As long as you're not dating white guys again.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
