I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
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Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
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My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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