I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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