we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
