i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Randomize
