Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
