2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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