4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
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