Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
