I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
