I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Farmville is her only friend.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Randomize
