Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
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Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
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I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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