Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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