Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
