My first STD was from a foam party
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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