I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
