Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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