good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
