ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
