She said her name was "party"
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
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It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
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His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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