i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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