i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Can I color on your dick again?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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