I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
