Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
