New low: just hacked my moms facebook
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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