I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
