You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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