I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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