The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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