"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
