every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
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There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
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What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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