I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
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Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
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You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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