she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
why is half of my head shaved?
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