I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
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he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
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Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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