MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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