So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
