my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
