Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
There are leaves in my underwear?
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