oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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