So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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