I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
