It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I am one with the molecules
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
