i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
