let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
