Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
