You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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