i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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