Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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